A year...to us another missed day with you.

A year without you......impossible to comprehend.

We love you babycakes,

Love Dad, Mum, Kods, Ash and Sunshine

We are connected,
My daughter and I,
by An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen
By any on earth.

This cord does it's work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know it's there,
Tho no one can see
This invisible cord
From my daughter to me.

The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe
It can't be destroyed,
It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord
One could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you're gone
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
Though no one can see.

It pulls at my heart,
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away! -
Unknown 

Happy 7th Birthday Imogen

Hi Immie

Happy 7^th (14^th) Birthday, Ben 10 super hero,

We hope they have lit the biggest stars to celebrate your birthday today.

We all made you Ben 10 Omnitrix cupcakes. Kody watched me carefully to

ensure I had just the right green icing made, what did you think?.

We saved you a seat at the movie ‘Hop’, isn’t that 'E.B.' bunny and 'phil' the chicken the cutest.

Miss you so much sweet girl, we will never forget the day you entered our life’s, you have bought as all so much joy,

Big smiles; only a few tears today, as we can hear your chants of ‘No tears, just be happy just like me’.

Love you all the way to the moon and back times a trillion,

Love you more with every breath we take,

Dad, Mum, Kody, Ashton and Sunshine.

P.S. Thank you to all our family, friends and Holmes’ Gang readers for all your support, your love and kindness has been amazing.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter Angel Girl, Immie,

Enjoy all those sweet treats,
We can't believe it's now been over a year since we got
'Imogen/Soft' rabbit and 'Skittles' guinea pig for last Easter
and they are still getting bigger and cuter everyday.

We have been out to see you the morning,
hope you (and your kangaroo friends) enjoyed the sweets
and Easter decorations.

Love you Chicken Little,
Let's go make more Easter Cake Pops together,
Keep an eye on that Kody and make sure he does not get or eat more than you.

Love Mum, Dad, Kody, Ash and the 'very active' Sunshine xxxxx

Just for you

Hey Baby Girl,

6 sleeps now till your 7^th birthday or are you still going with the older birthday age of 14, just to beat and tease Kody?

I hope you have it all organised sweets, plenty of cakes, special yummy food, party performers…remember when we tried to get you Peter Pan for your 4^th birthday but had to settle with a fairy and pirate..kind of the same right? (No not really mummy). Perhaps you will have Ben10 and Gwen come again. I imagine in heaven you can have what ever you like all the time though especially for your birthday, maybe even fireworks, along as they make them not too loud for you.

Where all not really sure how to celebrate your day without you here. By now we would have been organised, the invites given out at school, the cake design decided and changed a million times, the present list carefully circled in the toy catalogue and the countdown would have been started and the repeat question of how many days? How many sleeps? asked several times daily. We all went to the shop last weekend and got your present, I hope you like it. Not sure of the cake, I am sure you will send me a sign to indicate what you would prefer.

Well baby, better go try to get a bit more of your book done,

Know as always; your always in our hearts, your little fingers wrapped around ours.

We love you to the moon and back times zillion,

Love

Mum, Dad, Kody, Ashton and Sunshine.

P.S. Did you come with us to see Marg-a-ret’s puppies, aren’t they the cutest. I think Ashton wanted to bring one home, just like you always did.

Everyday

Yesterday another month passed without Miss Immie, incredibly it started as not a sad day, but more as a day of reflection of how we coped and travelled over the last eleven months. I honestly can say I never could comprehend how on earth I could survive a second without our girl and here we are trillions of seconds down the road.

Ash and I delivered to her (or more to the kangaroos ; ), a slightly crumpled (due to Ashton throwing them around like a sword) bunch of flowers. They were bright orange; I know she would have loved how bright and happy they looked.

Ashton now days gives you very little time at Pinnaroo to sit and cry at her passing spot…ok no time; he is too busy chasing daddy kangaroos (eeekkk) and crows. Sometimes I go visit her on the days my mum has Ash just so I can sit there and enjoy the sun and quiet with my girl.

Having Immies angel anniversary on the first of every month, tends to collide with a lot of things.

Yesterday was no exception, when we were visiting Immie I received a text message from my friend Rochelle. We met when Imogen and her son Jarvis were in hospital. We did not spend a lot of hospital time with them, but were related in a horrible parallel world; due to the fact both Immie and Jarvis shared the same cancer.

After Jarvis’ third relapse he too gained his soft feathery angel wings yesterday, ironically eleven months to the day after Imogen did. I just know that Little Miss Bossy/Smiley Imogen met Jarvis with a huge hug and a pre selected position for him in her make believe school class room. Though apparently he too was quite head strong, so there may have been a battle of the heads to begin with, I am sure many negotiations were made between these two beautiful inspiration kids.

The world is a better place for having you here Jarvis,

No pain can ever touch you ever again,

You will never be forgotten,

You fought so hard to be here with your Mum, Dad and sister,

Fly free now gorgeous boy.

Sending our love and strength to The Brett Family.

With Love

The Holmes Gang

P.S Must mention we love all our 'the Holmes gang' stalkers,

we are honoured you take the time to read our blog : D

Our Journey

Hi all Gorgeous Blog checkers (stalkers : P)

Well Sydney for us was just what the DR ordered. We were both a bunch of sooks on the first day after leaving our boys. Though Princess Imogen prearranged an empty seat next to us and baby Sunshine enjoyed the comfortable ride in 5 star travel of his or her mummy’s tummy, so we were not truly alone.

By the next morning after the previous nights 11pm arrival we were both in tourist mode with a little sleep lag. We sussed out the ferries and caught our first glance of Luna Park, Darling Harbor, Sydney Harbor Bridge and the Opera House. Upon departing the ferry I think I can quietly confidently say I have never walked so far trying to find the city centre (Yes we definitely looked the tourist part, with maps everywhere). All up a nice day finished with Krispy Kreme Donuts and hotel delivered Chinese.

The next day we awoke early and incredibly nervous for our journey to see Debbie Malone. After catching a double decker train (???!!!!), we headed off on a 40 minute trip to the outskirts of Sydney.

Debbie’s reading with our Imogen made our trip to Sydney. I wish I could list all the mouth dropping moments of the reading, but I would be writing a very very long blog post. Most importantly to us, is that she is happy, free of illness and now a Ben 10 super hero that can now live on Sunkist and fairy bread all the time. I think the most important thing she would want me to tell everyone is..that Ben 10 is not just for boys its for girls as well : P. That evening we ventured to Darling Harbor for an incredible meal at Nick’s Seafood Restaurant (WOW, I don’t think any other meal will ever measure up to this feast).

The final day was a very very long with the last flight booked out of Sydney the day dragged on and on. At more than one point on this day I was not sure I could put another foot in front of the other. Though still on that day we enjoyed another ferry ride, a monorail ride, paddy’s markets and the Chinese garden’s (one of my favourite Sydney spots; so beautiful and so quiet). Then it was time to fly home and once again Imogen had prearranged her seat next to us and we all flew home together.

Our trip to Sydney helped us all move a little more forward, helped us clear our heads and get another fix of beautiful smiley Immie.

We now head, at lighting speed into a hard, terrifying part of our first year without our girl. Imogen’s birthday is this year combined with Easter, her birthday falls on the Anzac Day public holiday. Five days later will mark her first angel anniversary, the Sunday after Mothers Day. Then by that stage I will be 38 weeks pregnant. A lot to deal with, a lot to grasp, I am not sure how it will all pan out.

Please just know that if we don’t seemed to be the most contactable or happiest at these times it not that we are ignoring you or insulted, it’s just that it all hurts. Everyday without her is painful, its just that these dates on the calendar that once marked amazed milestones and normal days have now taken on incredible heart ache for us, as we never imagined her not being here. Please send us your love to help us find a way through these dark days.

A quote I found that sums it up -

“If you know someone who has lost a child and you're afraid to mention them
because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they
died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're
reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that, is a great
gift."

~Elizabeth Edwards

With much Love

The Holmes’ Gang

Time

Smiley Happy Ashton at 17 months

Hi

Thank you all for your wonderful words of encouragement, after my last post I realised how important this is to not just me, but everyone who has continued to read the blog before Imogen started treatment, whilst she was in treatment and since she became the most beautiful angel girl ever.

Kody and I set our selves a challenge during the school holidays to start to make a book all about Imogen; including her favourites, likes, dislikes and fond memories we and other had of her. I know I have asked a few of you for memories though if I some how missed you please share your memories with me by dropping me an email – fiona2jason@hotmail.com.

We are hoping to have it assembled and printed by Imogen’s first angel anniversary, so we need anything anyone wants to add by the end of March.

We have already received some gobsmacking memory recalls from some people, which once again reminds us all of how blessed we were to be able to share our life with our incredible old soul little girl Imogen.

We have also received a lot of memories or Imogen sayings we had all simply forgotten, it has also helped us remember our girl and the little things she did that made her Imogen. Please no matter how small you may think it is please share. We believe it will be a cherished gift for Ashton and Baby Sunshine who did not get to truly know her as we did.

Life has a bit rocky as of late, Imogen’s nine month anniversary and the beginning of the new school year really felt like it had a bigger effect on our grieving then usual. Oh the whole pregnancy hormones and lovely humid Perth weather of late might have also tipped us over as well : P.

To me as Imogen’s mum, her 9 month anniversary real struck a chord with me as I reflected that I had carried her in my belly for nine months, it also was the same amount of time that Immie was declared cancer free for before her second relapse. Usually I am not one to ponder of numbers, similar dates; basically because this fourth time pregnant brain does not retain them. So I found this reflecting on similar numbers /dates as strange and sad.

It is hard to believe shortly it will be a year since I saw my little girl. That is one date I definitely wish I could skip or bury myself deep in the doona.

Yet it is another date that bereaved parents have to endure; many other bereaved parents have told me it is one of mixed emotions. I only dare to imagine, there are still times when my grief simply takes my breath away.

We have been slowly going through Miss Immie’s room, packing up all her specials and prize possessions. Another heart breaking thing to endure, the only thing that keeps me going, is that we are not tossing or giving anything away. If we ever want to or need to visit her things again it all is recorded and accounted for in our storage.

The hardest thing to pack away for me was her desk, covered in countless notes for her friends (that never were able to be given by her), tiny scraps of paper on which she had drawn smiley faces, cats, flowers and written her name, textas in a rainbow of colours, sizes and abilities, shells, nuts, pom poms, glitter, sparkles, stickers…she was one creative artist girl our Immie.

This room packing is all in preparation for Sunshine, Kody will move to Immie’s room, Ash to Kody’s and Sunshine to Ashton’s. Kody moving in Immie’s room will bring him great comfort, he has also told us to leave a few things of hers behind and that it will now be his and Imogen’s room still forever.

Thank goodness for gorgeous big brothers.

I surprised Jason last week for Valentines Day and our wedding anniversary with organising a mid week trip to Sydney for just the two of us. Our first time away together since our honeymoon : ). We have organised to go see Debbie Malone the medium in Sydney whom we met and had a reading with on Nova 93.7. We both can’t wait looking forward to hearing what missy has to say to us.

Well I had better go clean Ashton’s grubby jam face and put him to bed.

Just quickly both the boys are happy and loving life; Kody loves high school though is absolutely exhausted (his words) and Ashton loves being able to walk and terrorise everyone even more : ).

Will blog again soon

Xx Fiona

Pictures of Us

I have been a little neglect of The Holmes Gang Blog as of later, unsure as whether to continue to tell our story without our beloved little girl Imogen by our side.

I decided in the end that it did not matter whether anyone was reading it, it was a form of therapy for me to keep her and us alive to all the people who are still loving and supporting us.

With that in mind, I have decided to do a sentence (or two) and add a photo from a few memorable moments that have occurred in our lives since early December.

Imogen’s Rose Planting

A rose like no other.

A bright red ladybird rose fit for our princess, for all to remember the cheeky smiley girl Imogen at Primary School.

Kody’s Graduation

Very proud lifetime moments; our little boy graduating year seven....wow

Kody designed and drew the emblem for all the year seven graduation shirts, high 5 Kody!!

Ashton Playgroup

Mr Social Butterfly, HUGE grins, the perfect safe place to explore.

Christmas Photo

Every year we take a new photo of our delights for the Christmas card, this year the teddy bear (one of Imogen’s favourite things) represents her as still being here with us on this special occasion.

Apologies for embarrassing Ashton in later life; but this shop one is just too classic not to share.

Memorial Service

Heart broken strong families, poems and music joined together by beautiful angels, another step in the healing process.

Kids Cancer Support Christmas Party

Ashton riding one of the ponies Imogen loved.

Friends

Priceless friendships; true gifts to us from our beautiful angels. Love you all and your boy’s xx

The Beach

Imogen loved the beach and it seems (pretty much) first timer Ashton thought it was as wonderful and also thought he was invincible trying to crawl into the waves….argh

Ferrari Drive

Dreams, bucket lists and Boys = A ride in a Ferrari.

AQWA

Smiles and fish, though no seals any more what is that about?

Imogen’s Room

How do you explain in words what it would be like to have to pack away your beautiful girls specials?

I just simply can’t.

Mandurah

Cherished family time; relaxing, eating crabs, reading and chatting.

Ashton's got his groove

Ashton taking his first steps for man kind,

beating Kody by a few days and Imogen by about 3 weeks.

Australia Day

What a cake, Happy Aussie Day Mate!! Well Done little sis.

Kody’s first day of year seven and high school

Amazing; all those years of wondering/ worrying about this day and now its here. Enjoy the day and beginning of a whole new world my Kody, 2^nd of February 2011.

Enjoy, Ciao for now xx

Our Ray of Light

9 months today without you,
our little ray of light,
we all talk about you and to you every day,
miss you so much,
life will never be the same.

Loving you more and more everyday.

Big Love, Hugs and a million trillion kisses
Mum, Dad, Kody, Ashton and Baby Sunshine xxxxx

P.S. I got your Ben 10 pencil case and pencils ready for tomorrow,
wish you were here to draw a picture for me.
xx Mum

Baby Sunshine

A first picture of our beautiful fourth bundle of joy.
A healthy baby, everything as it should be.
Not telling any gender news, want to keep you guessing : ).

We are very grateful, though must confess struggled when we finally got to see our baby at 20 weeks (would never wait that long again to get the first sneak peak!!). It really then hit home that we were going to have this beautiful baby that would never physical met Imogen.

Almost a week on we now impatiently waiting till the May date. We also forgot to ask whether our dates were right, so now we must wait for our appt with our Dr next week. I'm hoping I am a little further along than suspected, doesn't every pregnant mum!!!.

After the scan Jason asked me whether I would consider having another baby, and I must be going crazy but I actually considered it for about 2 seconds : P.
I could never say never again, as you just never know what is over the rainbow.

Love and Sunshine kisses
The Holmes' Gang

Your Life, Your Choice

Happy New Year to all The Holmes' Gang Blog followers,

Just wanted to share with you a picture of our
beautiful Imogen last year at the Zoo New Year.


Another month angel anniversary today, 8 months.

A "New" year, not for us,
just the first of many to come without our Imogen.

Please remember to hold your love ones close often,
tell them that you love them constantly,
live life to the fullest,
don't ever doubt your dreams,
go forth and make a permanent positive foot print on this world.
Do it now, don't wait for another "New" year to arrive to begin your life.

Love and Hugs

Fiona, Jason, Kody, Imogen and Ashton