Just had to share this because it is to true.
Please if you have someone grieving in your life, (quite honestly unfortunately who doesn't) take note. You can't fix us or make us more upset by simply mentioning their name.
What Grieving People Want You to Know
. I am not strong
. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel that you don't see me.
. I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm grieving and that's different. I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and love into the rest of my life. That person is part of me and always will be, and sometimes I will remember him/her with joy and other times with a tear. Both are okay.
. I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has happened and it is real, but there are just some things in life that are not acceptable.
. Please don't avoid me. You can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you to know that."
. Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could do for me takes more energy than I have.
So, in advance, let me give you some ideas:
. Bring food.
. Offer to take my children to a movie or game so that I have some moments to myself.
. Send me a card on special holidays, birthdays (mine, his or hers), or the anniversary of the death, and be sure to mention her name. You can't make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the opportunity to shed them, because someone cared enough about me to reach out on this difficult day.
. Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I may say no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up, then I really will be alone.
Virginia A. Simpson
On a side note -
Hi Immie
Please if you have someone grieving in your life, (quite honestly unfortunately who doesn't) take note. You can't fix us or make us more upset by simply mentioning their name.
What Grieving People Want You to Know
. I am not strong
. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel that you don't see me.
. I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm grieving and that's different. I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and love into the rest of my life. That person is part of me and always will be, and sometimes I will remember him/her with joy and other times with a tear. Both are okay.
. I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has happened and it is real, but there are just some things in life that are not acceptable.
. Please don't avoid me. You can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you to know that."
. Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could do for me takes more energy than I have.
So, in advance, let me give you some ideas:
. Bring food.
. Offer to take my children to a movie or game so that I have some moments to myself.
. Send me a card on special holidays, birthdays (mine, his or hers), or the anniversary of the death, and be sure to mention her name. You can't make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the opportunity to shed them, because someone cared enough about me to reach out on this difficult day.
. Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I may say no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up, then I really will be alone.
Virginia A. Simpson
On a side note -
Hi Immie
I am sure you came to see 'Wicked' the musical last night with us, even if it was a little past your bed time ; ). I could hear you gasping in delight at all the just right green costumes and beautiful Gelinda 'the good'.
Pretty sure you would have had the best seat in the house. : )
Will be thinking and missing you just a little more tommorow on my '3rd' birthday, my second birthday without you physically by my side. Birthdays just ain't the same any more without your smiley face and big kisses.
Big love, sweet girl
Love
Mummy xxxx
Pretty sure you would have had the best seat in the house. : )
Will be thinking and missing you just a little more tommorow on my '3rd' birthday, my second birthday without you physically by my side. Birthdays just ain't the same any more without your smiley face and big kisses.
Big love, sweet girl
Love
Mummy xxxx
3 comments:
Hi Fiona,
We share our b'day, so Happy birthday for tomorrow :)
I like the post, it is very true that often, just the acknowledgement of grief is apppropriate when you don't know what to say.
It amazes me the impact Immie has had on many people, especially those who have never met her (and you) - such as me :)
I visit your blog often to see whats happening in your lives, and don't often post, but just wanted to send hhugs & best wishes for your birthday :)
Fee I do hope that today had some special times in it.
I am sure that Immie sent many good wishes and some reminders of special times you had together.
Happy Birthday I am sure your boys will be giving you so much love.
I visit and read often but don't always reply- Happy Birthday for tomorrow :)
Love and Best Wishes as always
The French Family
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