OK seeing this is our blog, I have decided to get up on my soapbox and have a few words.
Recently I have been thinking about how hard people find it to keep in touch or even approach someone who has lost someone tragically. I unfortunately believe I am able to give a little advice on what we (the ones left behind trying to put our lives and hearts back together) would like.
I know it’s hard to approach the subject of death whether the person who passed was young and old. I think the biggest misconception is that we want you to fix it or offer some words that will make us feel better. All that is needed is a simple acknowledgment that you recognise we have lost someone who was very special to us. All that needs to be said most times is “I am sorry to hear about…..insert name”. Perhaps if you knew them, you could add they something extra here eg ”She was such a beautiful smiley girl”. For me that is plenty.
Just because someone has passed away, it does not mean that they have suddenly disappeared or the person grieving has forgotten about them, whether it’s been one month, 2 years, 10 years. Avoiding the subject may make you feel a little better, but when you attempt to put yourself in their shoes imagine how that would feel.
On that note, what made me want to write on the blog about this subject was when I was recently approached at my local Woolies. A lady that used to live across the road from us now works there; I had not seen her since Immies passing. Instead of avoiding me (as she very easily could of done). She came up to me and simply said “I am sorry to hear about Imogen’s passing, a customer of mine let me know”. That then allowed the opening for me to say how I had been feeling, and thank her for acknowledging Imogen’s passing. Simple, effective and instantly made me feel a lot better. Please don’t make it harder than it is.
OK stepping off my soapbox now.
image borrowed from - http://makemineamojito.com/tag/soap-box/
3 comments:
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Well said lovely lady, well said.
Love you lots
xoxox
Fee,
well said - yes it is most important to continue talking about our passed loved ones. We lost a little friend when he was 6 and every year on his anniversary I send his mother, father and sister a card with a fond memory inside of their loved son and brother.
She thanked me and says I'm the only one who remembers this special day and it means so much to her that I do. :O)
Don't be afraid of death, it comes to us all and touches us all at some stage - continue to talk about those who are now with us in spirit.
Immie had such a huge impact on my life in such a short time - for that Fee and Jason - you should be very proud that such a lovely young lady could touch those wide and far.
Have a wonderful week
Millie xx
Fiona, you truly are a star! I don't think people realise that it is far worse to look away and not say anything at all, than to say something. Unfortunately they think it will be too hard for us to deal with, but what I really think is that it too hard for them. I used to hate the side way glances and the whispers as you would walk past, even the discreet pointing to others indicating "she just lost her son." I used to get so very angry and hurt. All I wanted to say was "he is not lost! I know where he is! and please stop pointing and whispering...my ears and eyes still work! I am still the same person please come and speak to me." With time it does get better.... some people just seem to forget altogether.You and your family are such stars. You are always in my thoughts, and Dakota talks about Immie just about everyday. Love you all Sharyn xxxxxx
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