Christmas Wishes to our Angel Girl.

Merry Christmas to you our sweet angel girl, Imogen

our first of many Christmas' without your physical present
and gorgeous cuddles and kisses


We hope you like your present.
You know how much we all love snow domes, we got you the biggest
Toy Story 3 snow dome we could find.

I wrote this post before Christmas, so I hope I have not ruined the suprise of your present. Though I am quite sure you have been watching all the present wrapping sneaky girl.

I am not going to state all the obvious things we feel about you not being here, as I know you don't like the tears and would not understand why we would cry at this most amazing time of the year.

Just know our dear angel baby cakes girl, you are in our thoughts every waking moment and constantly share our dreams.

Have the most perfect beautiful Christmas Immie,
We love you to the moon and back times a zillion.

Love Mum, Dad, Kody, Ashton and Baby Sunshine.

P.S To all our avid Holmes Gang blog followers, we wish you a fabulous Christmas
and awesome New Year surrounded by close family and friends.
Thank you for your support and love in the last year, it has been truly priceless xx

Our Fourth Gift

I thought it only appropriate on the day that marks another month since Imogen became our angel girl seven months ago to announce news our little girl clearly predicted for us several months ago.

Yes I am having another baby, my fourth gift; he or she is due around the 24^th of May 2011.

Almost a month after Miss Imogen’s birthday on the 26^th of April. Another gift from the girl we all desperately miss.

We have yet to have any scans, no dating scan, no 12 week scan to check for downs etc. We just could not see the point after all we have been through we would never be able to do anything if there was something wrong with the baby. As I have told many people, it’s in the hands of the gods and angels. I am quietly positive nothing bad will happen. I have thankfully been built has a baby making machine, blessed to have no pregnancy problems, besides freaky dreams : ). My labours have been easy, barely worth a mention. I know I am lucky, and incredibly gratefully. As always I know I will have someone standing right beside me in spirit holding her mummy’s hand and keeping me and her new little brother or sister safe.

Our first scan is the 20 week scan, booked for the 29^th of December, a late Christmas present, early new years present.

I am not sure how to describe my connection or love for this new little bundle resting under my heart. It’s a mixture of joy, sadness for Imogen not being her to meet them, happiness, my mood and emotional are like the wind. Changing often, adapting to the crazy pregnancy hormones and emotions.

It’s been a year of change for us all. People are amazed when I struggle to declare this our worst year. How can I?, we were blessed to have that last holiday with Miss Immie in January, have watched our little baby, become a big bulldozer boy, about to watch Kody graduate from primary school, have a new baby on the way…there are too many gifts to declare it a bad year. We still consider ourselves lucky, blessed and gratefully for everything we have and had.

Well I better go do my jobs outside whilst destructor sleeps…: P

Love to all

Happy Silly Season to you all, the first of December and time for advent calendars already!!???

Fiona xxx

I would have loved you anyway...

I Would Have Loved You Anyway

If I'd have known the way that this would end,
If I'd have read the last page first,
If I'd have had the strength to walk away,
If I'd have known how this would hurt,
I would have loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.

Had I known my heart would break,
I would have loved you anyway.
It's bittersweet to look back now,
At memories withered on a vine.
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time,
I would have loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.

Had I known my heart would break
I would have loved you anyway.
Even if I'd seen it coming,
You'd still have see me running
Straight into your arms.
I would have loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.
Had I known my heart would break
I would have loved you anyway.

author unknown

Memories...

Hi Immie

I’m making lasagne for dinner tonight, not the prepacket stuff from woollies. I will never forget how you screwed your face up when I suggested you eat that, as I was too tired to cook lasagna again. That look was enough to have me making lasagne for you at 10.30pm, anything to see that smile, and you excitedly shouting that you had found a love heart shaped piece of lasagna in your bowl.

I found the poem below for you Miss Imogen, many days it feels like yesterday you flew away peacefully, and other days it feels like a lifetime.

Can hardly believe it’s been six months, since we saw that smile, heard that laugh, and felt those hugs and kisses.

Sending it with all our love to heaven for you,

Extra squeezes, kisses and smiles

Mum, Dad, Kody and Ashton

P.S. Thanks for canceling after school trombone practise today, making sure my favourite t – shirts were delivered today and letting it be Monday so Ashton could go to crèche, and I could float around the pool thinking of you beautiful girl xx your mummy xx

When Tomorrow starts without me

When tomorrow starts without me
And I am not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn’t get to say

I know how much you love me
As much as I love you
And each time that you think of me
I know you’ll miss me too

But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand

And said my place was ready
In Heaven far above
And that I’d have to leave behind
All those I dearly love

But as I turned to walk away
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life I’d always thought
I did not want to die

I had so much to live for
So much yet to do
It seemed impossible
That I was leaving you

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad
I thought of all the love we shared
And all the fun we had

I bring with me our goodbyes
Your smile, your touch, your kiss
Your tender caring moments
Are the things I already miss

And when I thought of wordly things
I might miss come tomorrow
I thought of you and when I did
My heart was filled with sorrow

But when I walked through Heavens Gate
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me
From His great golden throne

He said this is eternity
And all I’ve promised you
Today for life on earth is past
But here it starts anew

So when tomorrow starts without me
Don’t think we’re far apart
For every time you think of me-
I am right inside your heart.

Happy Halloween

Last year, us dressed as bats

This Sunday marks one Imogen’s most favourite days, yes Halloween, ever since she was little she would beg to go “Tick or Teeting” or have a Halloween party. She always had a unbreakable bond with this special, exciting day to her.

Last year our friend, Karen, very kindly bribed her friend into letting us crash their Halloween party (as we had not organised anything due to the fact we had just return from Immie’s Queensland make a wish). Imogen had a blast, her smile was huge.

We both dressed up as Bats, and along with games, we also went trick or treating to many people’s welcoming houses.

That evening is one of those special memories; I pull out my heart and look over when I am missing our girl. I will never forget my little Halloween girl, and her passion and zest for all things spooky.

Pinnaroo with Immie's spooky plaque

Imogen would have loved to go to the schools Halloween disco tonight, to honour her love of Halloween we went the afternoon to Pinnaroo and covered her plaque in Halloween stickers.

Enjoy the very spooky pictures : )).

Happy Halloween Imogen,

Our Little Bat Girl

Hope you have picked an awesome costume for Sunday and have your best spooky voice ready. Enjoy all the sweets, our sweet xx

Love you Mum, Dad, Kods and Ashie

P.S Check out your brother Immie, eeekkkk doesn't he look scary, he is meant to be a zombie for the school disco, he thinks you would have gone as Ben 10, what do you think?

Fairy God Parents

Sienna likes our present : )

Sienna and Ash like peas in a pod

Well the weekend of honour arrived, when we were handed the official roles of god mother and god father. Far from keeping the official titles, I added the fairy part to my god mother title and Jason keep telling everyone he was the godfather and that he would put a horse head in their bed - Mafia style. Yes we are a little nuts, this helps keep our world a little normal for us : P.

Kody driving the ute...eekkkk

Jacinta had picked a perfect location on the farm and amongst the gum trees, flies and blue skies, and there we officially became our gorgeous niece Sienna’s god parents. I could almost hear Miss Immie awing at Sienna and majorly complaining about the flies : ). As always occasions like this are hard and enhance the fact that Immie is not there, but they also bring us much joy and peace when imagining her there with all of us.

Thank you for asking us to be Sienna’s god parents, Jacinta and Colin, we are over the moon. Sienna we promise to love, keep you safe and cherish you always.

Sienna and Me

Enjoy the pictures of us and the most gorgeous god daughter xx

Us and our gorgeous god daughter Sienna

My two cents

OK seeing this is our blog, I have decided to get up on my soapbox and have a few words.

Recently I have been thinking about how hard people find it to keep in touch or even approach someone who has lost someone tragically. I unfortunately believe I am able to give a little advice on what we (the ones left behind trying to put our lives and hearts back together) would like.

I know it’s hard to approach the subject of death whether the person who passed was young and old. I think the biggest misconception is that we want you to fix it or offer some words that will make us feel better. All that is needed is a simple acknowledgment that you recognise we have lost someone who was very special to us. All that needs to be said most times is “I am sorry to hear about…..insert name”. Perhaps if you knew them, you could add they something extra here eg ”She was such a beautiful smiley girl”. For me that is plenty.

Just because someone has passed away, it does not mean that they have suddenly disappeared or the person grieving has forgotten about them, whether it’s been one month, 2 years, 10 years. Avoiding the subject may make you feel a little better, but when you attempt to put yourself in their shoes imagine how that would feel.

On that note, what made me want to write on the blog about this subject was when I was recently approached at my local Woolies. A lady that used to live across the road from us now works there; I had not seen her since Immies passing. Instead of avoiding me (as she very easily could of done). She came up to me and simply said “I am sorry to hear about Imogen’s passing, a customer of mine let me know”. That then allowed the opening for me to say how I had been feeling, and thank her for acknowledging Imogen’s passing. Simple, effective and instantly made me feel a lot better. Please don’t make it harder than it is.

OK stepping off my soapbox now.

image borrowed from - http://makemineamojito.com/tag/soap-box/

10/10/10

Happy Ben 10 Day Everyone,
Today is the 10th October (the 10th month) of 2010,

Hey Baby Girl Know you would be busy watching Ben10 non stop today,
and busting everyone who wouldn't sit down and watch it.
I will never forget your 6th Ben10 birthday party,
You will always be our Ben 10 Girl,

Love you more everyday, Enjoy this special day,
and
"Let's kick those aliens butts"

kisses and hugs
Mum, Dad, Kody and Ashie

Mad September : )

Well my simple savings internet friends kindly tapped me on the shoulder and asked how everything was going. I thought that owed an update, as it brings us much comfort to know we are still thought of 5 months after Immies passing.

For the moment, our grief is just running slowly beside us like a quiet stream. Of course there are times that set us all off, but thankfully we have been able to enjoy a lot of happy moments as well.

Jason, Kody and Me on Kody's 12th birthday

We recently celebrated Kody’s 12th Birthday. Jason always teases me every year, because every year I say “I can’t believe they are….2…4…. 6… 10… 12”. Birthdays as they (and you) get older seem to fly pass quicker and quicker each year. Anyway Kods had a quiet birthday, at home with Ash and me. We went and visited Miss Immie and then had sausage pizzas and sundaes with my mum, dad and sister for dinner. On Saturday, he went go karting with Jason, my sister Olivia and his two mates Reece and Chris. They all came back with huge grins plaster across there faces.

Crash Test Dummy Kody

Kody is an incredible son and brother, there are times when I am feeling low and he manages to cheer me up. At times I wonder who the parent is and who the child in our relationship. He has had to deal with so much in his 12 years, but he takes it in his stride and constantly tries to do his best. Kody will sit there for ages and tell me stories about his little sister; I sit there in awe listening to his precious memories. He is devoted to Ashton, always giving him love and hugs. I am very grateful for my two sons, who shower me with love and drag me out of my funk when I am down.

Our two boys

Ashton is all of ours gift from Miss Immie, without him I shudder to think how much harder life would have been in the last five months. He is the constant entertainer, into mischief, pushing, chatting, giggling, laughing, crying, yelling. Full of life, he never misses a beat. He keeps all three of us on our toes.

Ashton blowing out his candles at his first birthday

We have recently been renovating the backyard, replacing lawn as the other was full of nasty prickles, and allocating more space to vegetable patches. Jason and I can both feel Immie out there with us, digging with her little shovel, begging till she got a ride on the bobcat, laughing, bossing the Molly Dog around. As we have been renovating we have had many ladybirds and butterflies visiting us, a visual sign, we take she is with us.

Off to move some more dirt whilst the littlest destroyer boy sleeps, lawn arrives tomorrow, can’t wait no more grey dirt everywhere. Can’t believe it will be almost a year since Immie got her dream – her own pool. Jason has done an awesome job completing the last bits and pieces, paving, sealing, chair placement, cleaning..Check out the mostly completed pool and yard. I can see her jumping and swimming in it everyday xx

Can't you see her!!!!

Love and Hugs

Fiona and the Gang

Happy 1st Birthday Master Ashton

Well this time last year I had begun labour to bring to the world the most beautiful boy. At 8.29 am, Ashton Noah Holmes, was finally here with us forever more. Ashton has given us all so much joy; to us he has been our glue.

We are so grateful for the time he was given with big sister Miss Immie, and never will forget the first time she saw her “He’s so cute” brother and her very funny, head shaking chants to him, making him giggle. That sibling love can never be broken, as she continues to whisper sweet nothings to him and make him giggle at what to us appears a blank space. Kody and Ashton also have a gorgeous relationship, Kody is besotted with Ashton, and Ashton is besotted with Kody. Kody is forever telling Ashton how much he loves him, and to that Ashton plants either a big slobbery kiss on him or gives him one of the stunning smiles.

Ashton is our full of life, on the go, little boy. He is far more mobile and adventurous then my other two kids who did not really move till 14 months.

He has mastered opening sliding doors and taking himself down the back yard to play ball with Molly our dog (yes I think I lost another 10 years off my life when I could not find him), climbing up and down stairs in his style, opening cabinets, drawer and his all time favourite doors!!!, standing in his cot, chasing the cat to just give him one little hug (honest!!!), Saying uh oh, fake laughing (lol), giving the best snuggles, bopping to music and millions of other beautiful things. Ashton loves DOORS, cars, animals, balls and us (how could he not!!!).

I love him, he gives me so much reason to get up in the morning, where with Kody I could have flopped back into bed as soon as he went to school I can’t do that will the full of life Ashton. There is too much to see, and he needs to show his mummy everything.

We love you always Ashton, you are everything to all of us, your giggles and smiles are contagious, Happy Birthday to our big One year Old,

Lots of Love

Mum, Dad, Imogen and Kody

Climbing up that mountain

Grief is a horrible thing it sneaks into your life, even when you think you have a steady control on it, you can find yourself suddenly tipped out of control, off that mountain, you have so carefully constructed.

This week marks the week in which our whole life stopped, it is the week we were told Imogen had relapsed and was terminal. The week of her first sports carnival, where she ran third in her running race.

A year later we are here again, with sports carnival pencilled in weather permitting for tomorrow, this is where she should have been, loving life, loving school, loving us. Instead tomorrow will be our last primary school sports carnival for Kody, and the last we attend until Ashton’s starts school.
Emotions this week have been running high among the Holmes’ household, with this being “that” week, the last of Kody’s primary sport carnivals and Ashton’s first Birthday, it makes it incredibly hard to digest, let alone process.I at times can still not believe Imogen is not here with us, there are moments I sit and pray and will her back to the land of the living. I would give up all of my worldly possessions just to see her once more. Yes, even though I know that would not be enough.

I never once doubt she would not be here with us forever, even when Imogen was so down, I always believed she was the miracle kid the one that would prove the statistics and doctors wrong.

I can’t believe I was so very wrong.

Run on baby girl, I can picture you running that race in heaven.


P.S. Thanks to you all who leave comments, it means a lot to me, to know my posts are being heard and read, Love to you xx

Proud Parents

Hi all

Got some really awesome news yesterday – no I am not pregnant!!, something even more impressive for the moment.

Mr Kody has been trying to break into the PEAC education art world for a couple years now. First he missed a place with Year 6 PEAC art extension, which was tragic, lots of tears and long faces (mine included as I knew he should have had a place). Then as we were a little preoccupied at the start of this year we missed the opening and closing dates for the applications for Visual Art PEAC at Balcatta High. Who would know you need to apply for year 8 in 2012 studies at the start of year 6 2010…geez!!!.

Anyway after a few emails back and forth to the very nice head of the dept at Balcatta High I discovered that the application for Multimedia Graphics Specialist Program PEAC were still open.

Kody picked pieces of his art he wished to present and we compiled it together in a file.

The cut of date was this Monday the 6^th of September, and then he would have to wait till they assessed all the work received, an set a interview time and then he would receive a letter stating whether he had been accepted.

Yesterday I dropped it of at Balcatta High, said a quick request to Imogen, that if this was meant to be then please help it happen. Imagine my surprise when I returned home to check my emails later in the day to discover an email from the head of the dept, saying that she loved Kody’s design and abilities and that she would like to offer him a place within the program for 2012.

So he basically by passed the review and interview process, we all had huge grin plastered on our faces for the whole afternoon and evening.

We are all so proud of him and knew that his ability would be finally recognised.

It is incredibly soul lifting for things for our biggest boy to be falling into place, with his incredible ability and his little sister’s guidance the world is his oyster.

Well done Kody, we love you so much and are incredibly proud.

Love Fiona, Jason, Kody, Imogen and Ashton.

Lifetime Moments

Jason and myself were very very happy last week to be asked to be our niece Sienna's
God parents. As you can see from the image above the similarities between myself and the real fairy god mother are incredible : ).
We are so very honored to be asked and to be given the privilege of being Miss Sienna's
god parents.

Looking forward to the official day with you Miss Sienna, beautiful girl.
Thank you for asking us Jacinta and Colin.


Will blog again soon, about the rest of the Holmes gang, not long till Mr Ashton has is 1st birthday and Kody his 12th birthday - WOW!!!
Happy Fathers Day to all the dad's out there, in case I don't get back before.

Love Fiona xxx

Great Comfort

Hi all

Many people know we were blessed recently to received a very incredible reading on Nova 93.7 fm with an amazing medium, Debbie Malone.

The whole lead up to the reading was of course anything but normal (typical Imogen style :) .

I had just spent the weekend prior at my Granma and Granpa’s 80^th birthday party talking to my Aunty about mediums. I decided if the opportunity of a genuine medium ever arose I would be happy to have a talk with them.

The next day, Monday I heard the call out on the radio for emails to be sent if you wanted a reading with medium Debbie Malone. I wrote her name down and then never really gave it another thought. That was until late Tuesday night after I had shut down the computer. I told Jason I would just email tomorrow, though then I suddenly had this urge that I needed to do it then. Back came on the computer, and the basic 4 line email got sent. Just the facts nothing about her personality- we had a beautiful 6 year old girl Imogen who 3 months ago lost her three ½ year battle to cancer. We would like to know that she is now happy, safe and does not regret the treatment we choose for her.

Flash forward to Thursday and I had two missed calls on my phone. Finally on the third missed call (I always miss my phone calls : P) a lovely lady from Nova left a message to return her call. For another twist I never (or hardly ever) listen to messages left on my voice mail ( I know I know..slack!!). Though of course that day I did, and after deleting and sorting through the 20 voice messages I had not listened to, I got to the Nova one.

As you can imagine upon receiving that message my heart began racing. I had just been telling my friends Vanya and Cherrie, only two hours previous that I had emailed and if it was meant to be it would happen.

A quick call back to Nova, I was asked to bring along something of Immie’s and be at their Subiaco station by 7.50 am. I surprisingly was able to string together enough words to ask if Jason could come. My afternoon then consisted of texting or ringing everyone in my mobile to let them know of our excitement set for the next day.

After dropping the boys off early in the morning (Thanks to the Cooks and Ledgers). We then strangely managed to do something we never could do when we had to take Imogen to Princess Margaret Hospital (located in Subiaco right down the road from the radio station). We arrived there in 20 minutes in peak hour traffic.

How could we ever doubt that Immie would not guide us there in perfect timing, after carefully orchestrating for us to be picked for a reading out of the many emails they received? After arriving and being shuffled around we were placed as the last reading for the morning and received double the time.

Our biggest thankyous must go to Debbie Malone and all the Nova 93.7 fm morning crew staff, Nathan, Nat, Shaun and Sally.

We must also thank our bossy beautiful girl Imogen for letting us know that you are always with us, we love you to the moon and back babycakes xx

Please press play below and enjoy our reading.

Love Us

P.S. If you are having problems listening to the reading in internet explorer, we used Mozilla Firefox and after much adjustment it finally worked !!!!. Please be patient with it, you may have to press play a few times.