Time

Smiley Happy Ashton at 17 months

Hi

Thank you all for your wonderful words of encouragement, after my last post I realised how important this is to not just me, but everyone who has continued to read the blog before Imogen started treatment, whilst she was in treatment and since she became the most beautiful angel girl ever.

Kody and I set our selves a challenge during the school holidays to start to make a book all about Imogen; including her favourites, likes, dislikes and fond memories we and other had of her. I know I have asked a few of you for memories though if I some how missed you please share your memories with me by dropping me an email – fiona2jason@hotmail.com.

We are hoping to have it assembled and printed by Imogen’s first angel anniversary, so we need anything anyone wants to add by the end of March.

We have already received some gobsmacking memory recalls from some people, which once again reminds us all of how blessed we were to be able to share our life with our incredible old soul little girl Imogen.

We have also received a lot of memories or Imogen sayings we had all simply forgotten, it has also helped us remember our girl and the little things she did that made her Imogen. Please no matter how small you may think it is please share. We believe it will be a cherished gift for Ashton and Baby Sunshine who did not get to truly know her as we did.

Life has a bit rocky as of late, Imogen’s nine month anniversary and the beginning of the new school year really felt like it had a bigger effect on our grieving then usual. Oh the whole pregnancy hormones and lovely humid Perth weather of late might have also tipped us over as well : P.

To me as Imogen’s mum, her 9 month anniversary real struck a chord with me as I reflected that I had carried her in my belly for nine months, it also was the same amount of time that Immie was declared cancer free for before her second relapse. Usually I am not one to ponder of numbers, similar dates; basically because this fourth time pregnant brain does not retain them. So I found this reflecting on similar numbers /dates as strange and sad.

It is hard to believe shortly it will be a year since I saw my little girl. That is one date I definitely wish I could skip or bury myself deep in the doona.

Yet it is another date that bereaved parents have to endure; many other bereaved parents have told me it is one of mixed emotions. I only dare to imagine, there are still times when my grief simply takes my breath away.

We have been slowly going through Miss Immie’s room, packing up all her specials and prize possessions. Another heart breaking thing to endure, the only thing that keeps me going, is that we are not tossing or giving anything away. If we ever want to or need to visit her things again it all is recorded and accounted for in our storage.

The hardest thing to pack away for me was her desk, covered in countless notes for her friends (that never were able to be given by her), tiny scraps of paper on which she had drawn smiley faces, cats, flowers and written her name, textas in a rainbow of colours, sizes and abilities, shells, nuts, pom poms, glitter, sparkles, stickers…she was one creative artist girl our Immie.

This room packing is all in preparation for Sunshine, Kody will move to Immie’s room, Ash to Kody’s and Sunshine to Ashton’s. Kody moving in Immie’s room will bring him great comfort, he has also told us to leave a few things of hers behind and that it will now be his and Imogen’s room still forever.

Thank goodness for gorgeous big brothers.

I surprised Jason last week for Valentines Day and our wedding anniversary with organising a mid week trip to Sydney for just the two of us. Our first time away together since our honeymoon : ). We have organised to go see Debbie Malone the medium in Sydney whom we met and had a reading with on Nova 93.7. We both can’t wait looking forward to hearing what missy has to say to us.

Well I had better go clean Ashton’s grubby jam face and put him to bed.

Just quickly both the boys are happy and loving life; Kody loves high school though is absolutely exhausted (his words) and Ashton loves being able to walk and terrorise everyone even more : ).

Will blog again soon

Xx Fiona

Pictures of Us

I have been a little neglect of The Holmes Gang Blog as of later, unsure as whether to continue to tell our story without our beloved little girl Imogen by our side.

I decided in the end that it did not matter whether anyone was reading it, it was a form of therapy for me to keep her and us alive to all the people who are still loving and supporting us.

With that in mind, I have decided to do a sentence (or two) and add a photo from a few memorable moments that have occurred in our lives since early December.

Imogen’s Rose Planting

A rose like no other.

A bright red ladybird rose fit for our princess, for all to remember the cheeky smiley girl Imogen at Primary School.

Kody’s Graduation

Very proud lifetime moments; our little boy graduating year seven....wow

Kody designed and drew the emblem for all the year seven graduation shirts, high 5 Kody!!

Ashton Playgroup

Mr Social Butterfly, HUGE grins, the perfect safe place to explore.

Christmas Photo

Every year we take a new photo of our delights for the Christmas card, this year the teddy bear (one of Imogen’s favourite things) represents her as still being here with us on this special occasion.

Apologies for embarrassing Ashton in later life; but this shop one is just too classic not to share.

Memorial Service

Heart broken strong families, poems and music joined together by beautiful angels, another step in the healing process.

Kids Cancer Support Christmas Party

Ashton riding one of the ponies Imogen loved.

Friends

Priceless friendships; true gifts to us from our beautiful angels. Love you all and your boy’s xx

The Beach

Imogen loved the beach and it seems (pretty much) first timer Ashton thought it was as wonderful and also thought he was invincible trying to crawl into the waves….argh

Ferrari Drive

Dreams, bucket lists and Boys = A ride in a Ferrari.

AQWA

Smiles and fish, though no seals any more what is that about?

Imogen’s Room

How do you explain in words what it would be like to have to pack away your beautiful girls specials?

I just simply can’t.

Mandurah

Cherished family time; relaxing, eating crabs, reading and chatting.

Ashton's got his groove

Ashton taking his first steps for man kind,

beating Kody by a few days and Imogen by about 3 weeks.

Australia Day

What a cake, Happy Aussie Day Mate!! Well Done little sis.

Kody’s first day of year seven and high school

Amazing; all those years of wondering/ worrying about this day and now its here. Enjoy the day and beginning of a whole new world my Kody, 2^nd of February 2011.

Enjoy, Ciao for now xx

Our Ray of Light

9 months today without you,
our little ray of light,
we all talk about you and to you every day,
miss you so much,
life will never be the same.

Loving you more and more everyday.

Big Love, Hugs and a million trillion kisses
Mum, Dad, Kody, Ashton and Baby Sunshine xxxxx

P.S. I got your Ben 10 pencil case and pencils ready for tomorrow,
wish you were here to draw a picture for me.
xx Mum

Baby Sunshine

A first picture of our beautiful fourth bundle of joy.
A healthy baby, everything as it should be.
Not telling any gender news, want to keep you guessing : ).

We are very grateful, though must confess struggled when we finally got to see our baby at 20 weeks (would never wait that long again to get the first sneak peak!!). It really then hit home that we were going to have this beautiful baby that would never physical met Imogen.

Almost a week on we now impatiently waiting till the May date. We also forgot to ask whether our dates were right, so now we must wait for our appt with our Dr next week. I'm hoping I am a little further along than suspected, doesn't every pregnant mum!!!.

After the scan Jason asked me whether I would consider having another baby, and I must be going crazy but I actually considered it for about 2 seconds : P.
I could never say never again, as you just never know what is over the rainbow.

Love and Sunshine kisses
The Holmes' Gang

Your Life, Your Choice

Happy New Year to all The Holmes' Gang Blog followers,

Just wanted to share with you a picture of our
beautiful Imogen last year at the Zoo New Year.


Another month angel anniversary today, 8 months.

A "New" year, not for us,
just the first of many to come without our Imogen.

Please remember to hold your love ones close often,
tell them that you love them constantly,
live life to the fullest,
don't ever doubt your dreams,
go forth and make a permanent positive foot print on this world.
Do it now, don't wait for another "New" year to arrive to begin your life.

Love and Hugs

Fiona, Jason, Kody, Imogen and Ashton

Christmas Wishes to our Angel Girl.

Merry Christmas to you our sweet angel girl, Imogen

our first of many Christmas' without your physical present
and gorgeous cuddles and kisses


We hope you like your present.
You know how much we all love snow domes, we got you the biggest
Toy Story 3 snow dome we could find.

I wrote this post before Christmas, so I hope I have not ruined the suprise of your present. Though I am quite sure you have been watching all the present wrapping sneaky girl.

I am not going to state all the obvious things we feel about you not being here, as I know you don't like the tears and would not understand why we would cry at this most amazing time of the year.

Just know our dear angel baby cakes girl, you are in our thoughts every waking moment and constantly share our dreams.

Have the most perfect beautiful Christmas Immie,
We love you to the moon and back times a zillion.

Love Mum, Dad, Kody, Ashton and Baby Sunshine.

P.S To all our avid Holmes Gang blog followers, we wish you a fabulous Christmas
and awesome New Year surrounded by close family and friends.
Thank you for your support and love in the last year, it has been truly priceless xx

Our Fourth Gift

I thought it only appropriate on the day that marks another month since Imogen became our angel girl seven months ago to announce news our little girl clearly predicted for us several months ago.

Yes I am having another baby, my fourth gift; he or she is due around the 24^th of May 2011.

Almost a month after Miss Imogen’s birthday on the 26^th of April. Another gift from the girl we all desperately miss.

We have yet to have any scans, no dating scan, no 12 week scan to check for downs etc. We just could not see the point after all we have been through we would never be able to do anything if there was something wrong with the baby. As I have told many people, it’s in the hands of the gods and angels. I am quietly positive nothing bad will happen. I have thankfully been built has a baby making machine, blessed to have no pregnancy problems, besides freaky dreams : ). My labours have been easy, barely worth a mention. I know I am lucky, and incredibly gratefully. As always I know I will have someone standing right beside me in spirit holding her mummy’s hand and keeping me and her new little brother or sister safe.

Our first scan is the 20 week scan, booked for the 29^th of December, a late Christmas present, early new years present.

I am not sure how to describe my connection or love for this new little bundle resting under my heart. It’s a mixture of joy, sadness for Imogen not being her to meet them, happiness, my mood and emotional are like the wind. Changing often, adapting to the crazy pregnancy hormones and emotions.

It’s been a year of change for us all. People are amazed when I struggle to declare this our worst year. How can I?, we were blessed to have that last holiday with Miss Immie in January, have watched our little baby, become a big bulldozer boy, about to watch Kody graduate from primary school, have a new baby on the way…there are too many gifts to declare it a bad year. We still consider ourselves lucky, blessed and gratefully for everything we have and had.

Well I better go do my jobs outside whilst destructor sleeps…: P

Love to all

Happy Silly Season to you all, the first of December and time for advent calendars already!!???

Fiona xxx

I would have loved you anyway...

I Would Have Loved You Anyway

If I'd have known the way that this would end,
If I'd have read the last page first,
If I'd have had the strength to walk away,
If I'd have known how this would hurt,
I would have loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.

Had I known my heart would break,
I would have loved you anyway.
It's bittersweet to look back now,
At memories withered on a vine.
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time,
I would have loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.

Had I known my heart would break
I would have loved you anyway.
Even if I'd seen it coming,
You'd still have see me running
Straight into your arms.
I would have loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.
Had I known my heart would break
I would have loved you anyway.

author unknown

Memories...

Hi Immie

I’m making lasagne for dinner tonight, not the prepacket stuff from woollies. I will never forget how you screwed your face up when I suggested you eat that, as I was too tired to cook lasagna again. That look was enough to have me making lasagne for you at 10.30pm, anything to see that smile, and you excitedly shouting that you had found a love heart shaped piece of lasagna in your bowl.

I found the poem below for you Miss Imogen, many days it feels like yesterday you flew away peacefully, and other days it feels like a lifetime.

Can hardly believe it’s been six months, since we saw that smile, heard that laugh, and felt those hugs and kisses.

Sending it with all our love to heaven for you,

Extra squeezes, kisses and smiles

Mum, Dad, Kody and Ashton

P.S. Thanks for canceling after school trombone practise today, making sure my favourite t – shirts were delivered today and letting it be Monday so Ashton could go to crèche, and I could float around the pool thinking of you beautiful girl xx your mummy xx

When Tomorrow starts without me

When tomorrow starts without me
And I am not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn’t get to say

I know how much you love me
As much as I love you
And each time that you think of me
I know you’ll miss me too

But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand

And said my place was ready
In Heaven far above
And that I’d have to leave behind
All those I dearly love

But as I turned to walk away
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life I’d always thought
I did not want to die

I had so much to live for
So much yet to do
It seemed impossible
That I was leaving you

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad
I thought of all the love we shared
And all the fun we had

I bring with me our goodbyes
Your smile, your touch, your kiss
Your tender caring moments
Are the things I already miss

And when I thought of wordly things
I might miss come tomorrow
I thought of you and when I did
My heart was filled with sorrow

But when I walked through Heavens Gate
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me
From His great golden throne

He said this is eternity
And all I’ve promised you
Today for life on earth is past
But here it starts anew

So when tomorrow starts without me
Don’t think we’re far apart
For every time you think of me-
I am right inside your heart.

Happy Halloween

Last year, us dressed as bats

This Sunday marks one Imogen’s most favourite days, yes Halloween, ever since she was little she would beg to go “Tick or Teeting” or have a Halloween party. She always had a unbreakable bond with this special, exciting day to her.

Last year our friend, Karen, very kindly bribed her friend into letting us crash their Halloween party (as we had not organised anything due to the fact we had just return from Immie’s Queensland make a wish). Imogen had a blast, her smile was huge.

We both dressed up as Bats, and along with games, we also went trick or treating to many people’s welcoming houses.

That evening is one of those special memories; I pull out my heart and look over when I am missing our girl. I will never forget my little Halloween girl, and her passion and zest for all things spooky.

Pinnaroo with Immie's spooky plaque

Imogen would have loved to go to the schools Halloween disco tonight, to honour her love of Halloween we went the afternoon to Pinnaroo and covered her plaque in Halloween stickers.

Enjoy the very spooky pictures : )).

Happy Halloween Imogen,

Our Little Bat Girl

Hope you have picked an awesome costume for Sunday and have your best spooky voice ready. Enjoy all the sweets, our sweet xx

Love you Mum, Dad, Kods and Ashie

P.S Check out your brother Immie, eeekkkk doesn't he look scary, he is meant to be a zombie for the school disco, he thinks you would have gone as Ben 10, what do you think?

Fairy God Parents

Sienna likes our present : )

Sienna and Ash like peas in a pod

Well the weekend of honour arrived, when we were handed the official roles of god mother and god father. Far from keeping the official titles, I added the fairy part to my god mother title and Jason keep telling everyone he was the godfather and that he would put a horse head in their bed - Mafia style. Yes we are a little nuts, this helps keep our world a little normal for us : P.

Kody driving the ute...eekkkk

Jacinta had picked a perfect location on the farm and amongst the gum trees, flies and blue skies, and there we officially became our gorgeous niece Sienna’s god parents. I could almost hear Miss Immie awing at Sienna and majorly complaining about the flies : ). As always occasions like this are hard and enhance the fact that Immie is not there, but they also bring us much joy and peace when imagining her there with all of us.

Thank you for asking us to be Sienna’s god parents, Jacinta and Colin, we are over the moon. Sienna we promise to love, keep you safe and cherish you always.

Sienna and Me

Enjoy the pictures of us and the most gorgeous god daughter xx

Us and our gorgeous god daughter Sienna