How does this happen : (

I have been laying awake for the last hour, awoken by a pain in my heart that I wish I never had to feel, worse then any broken romance or crush career dream. The last few days have been a rough road to travel...for the baby boy who was labelled by the nurses on 3b as the boy to marry our daughter, Imogen and the bravest and one of the most inspiration kids I ever known,
Blake Cahill, has relapsed and been taken home to spend the rest of his days with his incredible family.

I have struggled with this for days after only seeing him at clinic 11 days ago running around and full of life, I then arrived at the hospital on Wednesday to see him with Cherrie, broken and hurting. This brave lil man, as taught me and many more so many lessons, he has battled against the odds and fought so very hard for time with his loving and fantastic family. We have been truely blessed and so very lucky to have become life friends with Cherrie, Dean, Kai and Blake, and to have been able to spent time with them and at times offer them love and support in this crazy mixed up world of childhood cancer.

I know many of you will be worried about how this will be effecting me, and pushing me to be strong. Encouraging me to not let it pull me down as I have be strong to help Immie fight and battle the beast soon, with the same treatment that Blake and also lil Josh who too has gone home with his family to live out the rest of his days. Though I don't think it would be human of me not to be able to relate and feel their pain, especially when travelling together the hardest road side by side on the ward, via phone, via email and when visiting.I know Cherrie has helped support me, especially over the last few months of relapsed, so now is my time to supported her and grieve for her and her family of this horrific time for them all.

I will continue to be strong and help and love our beautful girl every step of the way, and continue to have the faith that one day we will be years away from any cancer treatment never to return to 3b and living and loving a beautiful girl, who will be able to enjoy all lifes journeys. Though I will never forget the children who have inspired me to cherish my children, my husband , my family and my life, were every we may be.

So please for me take the time to give your kids or love ones that extra hug or kiss, and tell them what they mean to you,and if you wish you could leave a message on Blakes or Joshs website about how their lifes have touch you and made you realise how special life is xx

http://tinyearthangels.com/babyblake.html for Blake
http://amazingflyingwizzys.blogspot.com/2008/07/one-step-forwards-and-whopping-great.html for Josh

Love, Hugs and Kisses
Jason, Fiona, Kody and Immie Holmes

the photo diary of Immie Holmes

Close up of me

my bag carrying my antibotics around in (Hi -5)

My new lion that meeows and purrs and Slinky Mclinky of Mairy Mclairy having a chat

Today immie innocently comes out with my camera, "Hi mum just found this on my bed", and then later when I uploaded the pics there was our girl, taking some happy snaps of her things. She does do this often, and some times you catch her talking to herself, such as " that wasn't a very good one of me, I did not smile enough or I am frowning to much" and she takes another till she is happy or bored with it all...very cute xx

Blake & Cherrie visit

a present from Blake and Kai

Today, 4th of July we saw Cherrie and Blake, as they had come to the hospital for his regular check up. I wish I had taken a picture as he looks like a big boy now, with his spikey hair..too cute. Their check up went smoothly and they soon were on their way back home again. Cherrie bought me a present for my birthday, so as a yearly tradition Immie had to have one too. Thanks Cherrie for being a great friend xx

It is that exciting that the present tried to eat Immie

a matching wiggles game, what a great idea, ta Cherrie

Email sent 6th of July 2008

Hi all

Well we came home Friday after a visit to the PMH Hotel, from Tuesday night at about 8 pm with a very red and unhappy looking area surrounding Immies port (a device insert under the skin to receive the chemo through). In jas and Immie went to see what they thought before the dreaded temperature crept up.

I then receive the call about 9.30pm that Immie was going to have to stay in, so in went me and kods to swap over from Jas (very late night for Kods). Restless night then the temp at midnight, 38.5. Two day stay this means, so they can have time to look at the blood cultures. As Immies port was looking dodgy, canula inserted which spent most of the time sending the machines crazy by blocking or cutting off all the time - argh!!.

By Wednesday the vein with the canula collapsed, and then due to Immie screaming the place down it took a long time to find another. In the end, one was placed in her right hand (her main hand - argh).

Friday came and we were given the all clear to needle the port and go home on continuous antibiotics (through this nifty machine) Anyway we are home now, Immie is loving being out of that crazy isolated room (she spent a lot of time banging on the window to any one who would look at her). She must carry a bag around 24 hours a day carrying her IV antibiotics, and every day we have HITH (hospital in the home) come out and change it over, though very exciting I am being promote to this job as of tomorrow - woo hoo!!. I think we would all be a little stir crazy if we had to hang around waiting for the nurse to come all this week, especially seeing its school holidays.

Now we have the clinic appt on Wednesday to check up, and this week is the last of my 20's, oooooo...yes I enter the 30's on Friday..I know a few of you will be thinking.. FINALLY, as most of you are sooooo old already!!! hahahahahaha...sorry Have a great school hols, if thats your thing, or a great week if its not!!!

Love, Hugs and KissesJason ,Fiona, Kods and Immie Holmes

P.s Check out the blog, lots of pics of Immie will get some more of the Kody this school holidays http://www.theholmesgang.blogspot.com/

back in hospital

Hanging at the window, Immie spent most of her last two days in hospital standing at the window, waving and banging on it to all who past wether she knew them all not...she was very sick...not!!

the grin

oh what long legs you have

Another present for me!!!

Nana and Pop...and Kods

Nana and Immie

Busy cooking
28th of June 2007

Immie and Mummy

Oh look theres Kods, poor las does not get many pics, so when he does it has to dive to get in the pic - taken by Immie

Friday & Tuesday xx

Friday the last day of chemo - hurray, today Granma sat with Immie and I then did the afternoon shift.

Dr Ramon and Immie, Dr Ramon is super funny xx

ooo..these pictures are Tuesday of chemo of the mobile, I love having pics of Immie hanging in her school shirt she loves to go, she couldn't go on Friday as she needed Blooood...

immie being immie xx

Email sent 27th of June 2008

WOO HOO...fourth chemo done,

Immie of course has been a star, she was sailed through, at times she was a little stir crazy, but for what she was going through she is a true hero. Immie had a blast this week with Louise (the music therapist), Captain Starlight, Clown doctors, the incredible Nurse Jess, Carla (play therapist) with Lillie the puppet and Granma today.

A few hiccups, but nothing major, today she needed blood, and now she looks much pinker and is even more full of beans...I know I know is that possible???. Today was amazing day, I was lucky enough to be given an hours time (from my fab mum) with an incredible lady who is a theta healer. It was a truly eye opening experience, it allowed me to work through all my fears regarding Immie and I am now feeling incredible. I have been concerned in the regards to where I was going to get my positive thoughts and vibes needed to help Immie get through this cancer treatment, and now I have the answer. I know to some of you it may sound a little mumble jumble, but it works for me and that's enough to satisfy me.

We found out the other day that Immies scans will be on the 16th of July and we will have a follow up meeting in regards to the scans on the 23rd of July, this of course will be a major day as it will decide what treatment path our beautiful girl follows either beginning stem cell in July or September. We are of course nervous and concerned, but after we had our meeting with Imogen's oncologist on Wednesday we now have faith that they will decide what is right for Imogen.

Life is good, enjoy every day, remember this is not a dress rehearsal.

Love Hugs and Kisses

Jason ,Fiona, Kody & Imogen Holmes

Thursday....I have just about had enough

ok so this was Thursday and Immie was going...stiiiirrrr crazy..everyone who worked past, got this little girl waving and growling at them, she loves hanging out at the door. That is far as she can go, because of her silly bug, and having to be isolated on the cancer ward. She is very clever now, pushing her own IV pole and riding on it.

Just hanging

Here me roar...cancer...be very afraid!!

Visitors Immie loves them xx

EB Games and Captain Starlight came to visit

Clown Doctor Riley and Imogen, gotta love these clown doctors they had Immie in fits of laughter the whole time they were with her, they really know how to cheer the kids up xx

The smile says it all xx

Wednesday of chemo

Imogen and Louise, music therapist

Immie always requests the key board and the drums

Wearing Jesses "s(f)unny" glasses, these are the glasses they use when hanging chemo just in case, Immie spent most of the afternoon calling for nurse Jesse so she could return these glasses

I love making lots and lots of noise...and driving everyone crazy hahahah

I love you daddyxx

Wednesday, Dad comes to visit us at the hospital to have the meeting with Imogen oncologist, who loves their daddy???

Immie and Nurse Jesse xx

How grateful we are for these moments..when our lil girl is smiling or giggling with delight, on this day we had the wonderful Nurse Jesse, sharing with Immie a little bit of fun in the long afternoon of chemo. Thank you, thank you Jesse and all the nurses, doctors and oncologists who visit, talk and play with our girl, each and everyone of you is making this hard journey a little easier. To do this job you have to be a true angel xx

Blowing bubbles together

Smiles I love it, Ta Jesse

Imogen and Lilly

Immie, Carla and Nurse Jesse
23rd of June 2008

Immie giving Lilly a needle

mmmm...what next??

Lets check that you have been doing your mouth care Lilly

At chemo today Immie got to play with the puppet named Lilly, she is amazing puppet, and has several problems..e.g. she has a port and a broviac (poor sod), can have an influzone (not sure how to spell) in her leg to insert needles into, has a tooth you can pull out because she did not brush her teeth, has haemoglobin problem on her arm and is able to have a nasal gastric tube insert and catheter insert - nice. Anyway doctor immie had great fun with the new hospital puppet,Lilly, Carla the play therapist and Nurse Jesse.